After nearly 3 years at home, I'm being called to get out of the boat. My last full-time missions experience left me wounded and in need of some serious time and healing. I got both. As I've been home, my love for missions developed again and I've been involved in various ways through short term trips through the churches that I have been a part of. I've also been able to get involved in a wonderful church and build amazing relationships.
For the last two years, I have been an office manager, where I've been able to use my administrative gifts, but it just hasn't been my heart. The last few months I've found myself burned out from work, feeling like the life has been sucked out of me, and needing something different...needing to step out and do the things that are on my heart. I shared some of what has been going on in life, and my recent frustrations, in an email to my very good friend Joanna. Jo and I staffed DTS together in Hawaii nearly 4 years ago, and have continued a great friendship in the time since. Within a day or so after sending the message, I received a text from her inviting me to come staff the DTS she was leading in Kona, Hawaii. As soon as I read the text, the idea of it began stirring in my heart and mind and I thought, why not? Why not do this? I staffed a DTS before and loved being able to have young people that I could speak truth to, disciple, and just do life with. I had always thought it would be great to do it again, and hopefully do it even better than the first time. So I would be doing the things that are really on my heart...should I really do this?
I began to really consider the idea of it and started asking questions to see if this could really happen. I text Jo back and asked her when the DTS started. January 5th was her reply. Oh my goodness, the 5th is the day I fly back into the States from Chile. (I'm co-leading a team from my church down to Chile to work with friends there at a YWAM base.) So I obviously couldn't be there when the school starts, but I thought maybe I could come a day or two late. We scheduled a time when we would talk on the phone later that night to really talk about this.
All day long I kept thinking about it and praying, trying to figure out if this could really work. The whole day, I just had this peace about it and felt that I was to do it. As I thought about reasons why I shouldn't do it, the only reasons I could come up with were because of fear of man. People would think I was being irresponsible...People won't want to give...it's too soon and I don't have anything set up...and the excuses seemed to go on. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought, I can't let a fear of man and what man thinks of me, get in the way of what God has for me. If God is calling me to do this, He's going to provide and make a way. I can't worry about what people think.
So when I got home from work, I began writing my letter of resignation and started looking up plane tickets to Hawaii, even though I hadn't talked with Jo yet and didn't really know any of the details. When Jo and I finally connected on the phone, going over details and logistics, it just felt right to both of us. We both had a peace about me coming.
If you know me at all, you know I like to have things planned out and figured out ahead of time. I like to look at all the possibilities ahead of time, figure out all my options, and then make as wise a decision as I can on something. It didn't make any sense, but I felt like I was supposed to do it. I was supposed to quit my job, pack up my life, and move to Hawaii in 3 weeks. After hanging up with Jo, I talked with my best friend Brandy. I thought for sure she'd tell me it wasn't a good idea, but to my surprise, she was totally behind me going and encouraged me to buy my ticket right then and there, while she was on the phone with me. I hesitated for a moment, and then grabbed my wallet and purchased my plane ticket.
Oh my goodness. I now have a one way plane ticket to Hawaii. I have to give my notice at work, begin to pack up my life, celebrate Christmas, lead a trip to Chile, and then fly to Kona...all in 3 weeks! Oh, and I don't have support lined up...how am I going to pay for anything?
The last few months, God continues to tell me, "Trust Me." Ok, I thought I was trusting Him. But now I believe God is asking me to get out of the boat and trust him. I'm taking a huge step of faith, and trusting that He is going to work everything out. I have seen him provide for me in the past when I was in missions, and he has provided for me the last 3 years through a steady paycheck. I know He takes care of His own. I know He sees my needs. And I know if God calls you to go, He pays the way.
I want to walk on water, so I have to step out of the boat. And even if I fail and sink, I know Jesus is still there. When Peter asked Jesus to call him out on the water, then began to sink because he was afraid, Matthew 14 says, "he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him."
I may fail at this, and may return home sooner than expected, but even if I do, I know Jesus will immediately reach out to catch me, I know that I will have stepped out in faith to trust God, and I will have been challenged and grown just that much more. It's time to get my feet wet.
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