Yeah, it's kinda sucky, but...

I’m currently sitting in India as I write this.  I had always heard that India was an assault on your senses, and well, it really rather is.  From the moment we left the airport we were hit with chaos.  The streets in India are like none other.  In most third world countries, traffic laws are a joke.  Pretty much the only law is don’t hit anyone, everything else seems to go.   You might have cars changing lanes on both sides of you, a car and a rickshaw side by side in the same lane, motorcycles weaving in between, rickshaws weaving in between, people dodging anything that moves while trying to cross the streets, and a never ending stream of honking horns.  All the horns alone can confuse or scare you, let alone trying to make your way through the traffic.

India is loud.  It’s crowded.  It’s dirty and there is trash everywhere.  There are a plethora of smells that can range anywhere from raw sewage to the spices of curry, all within a few feet of each other.  There are wealthy people rolling by in decked out SUV’s and the filthiest, limbless beggars you’ve ever seen sitting on the side of the road.  There are extremes to both ends.  It’s hard to explain to anyone who has never been, but it’s just crazy.

Even compared to Africa, India seems to be more extreme in some ways.  While everything that I’ve been experiencing the last few days is extreme, somehow God has given me the grace to handle everything in stride.  Even getting diarrhea on day two.  It’s just something that happens.  It’s part of life.  You deal with it and move on. 

While it seems a bit crazy, I’ve discovered that I’m somewhat desensitized to it.  Most of the students have never been to a third world country before.  So the things they are seeing is so shocking to them, and is completely changing their world view.  They see cripples on the street and are heart broken.  We have small children and women coming up to us, begging for anything we will give them.  They are having a really hard time with it.  I just ignore it.  We are told to ignore it, so that we don’t encourage the begging, but I don’t feel anything.  I just want them to get away.  Is that bad?  It’s hard to find the balance of not encouraging begging, and when to give.  When to feel.  I think sometimes in order to just make it through things, I shut off my feelings, and don’t process.  You do what you gotta do to make it through, and so sometimes I guess I become heartless.  Not sure. 

It’s now been a few days since I wrote that last bit…India is definitely challenging to me.  I’ve experienced a lot of fun, or rather not to fun, things here.  I’ve had a day of vomiting, including vomiting on a train, surrounded by Indians.  That was real cool.  Didn’t draw any attention at all.  Then that same night, I went in for a shower, but the power was out.  I felt so sick, and dirty, I didn’t care and just wanted to shower.  So in the midst of my dark shower, I bent down to grab my shampoo and split my head open on a towel rack.  I had about a 3/4 “ gash on my forehead, with a huge bump.  I prayed I wouldn’t pass out as I finished my shower, and the Lord answered that prayer.  I was able to finish, wrap a towel around me, and make it out to a chair where a teammate grabbed our first aid kit and managed to clean up the blood and bandage my head.  The next few days were followed by a bright white butterfly bandage across my forehead, again, didn’t draw any attention at all.  It’s weird enough for them to see a white person, yet alone a white person with a huge white bandage across their face.  Good times.

This time has really been challenging me and causing me to ask, why am I here?  Is it worth it?  All the discomfort?  All the dirt?  The smells?  The same food over and over?  Loss of water and power?  Being stared at constantly?  Having to wear clothes that I’m not used to or comfortable in?  Being hot and sweaty all the time?  Basically, just constantly out of my comfort zone?  I was really distracted by all the discomforts and how crappy everything was.  I told God, I don’t like India.  I know You have a heart for it, but I sure don’t.

And then we celebrated Good Friday.  Suddenly, I was reminded of what our Lord Jesus went through.  Any why he went through it.  And I was seriously convicted, and made aware of how unworthy I truly am.  Yeah, this place is dirty, smells, is hot, and sucks quite often, but the outside circumstances can’t dictate my attitude, and they are not the reason I’m here.  I wanted to do this.  I wanted to be used by Jesus, therefore, I have to be willing to lay down my rights to my comforts, my freedoms, my choice.  We are walking into the most humble homes to pray for people.  People are receiving their sight.  The lame are walking, and the deaf are hearing.  People are coming to the Lord.  Seeds are being planted.  And if only one person comes to know the Lord, that is reason enough to lay down my comforts for 3 months.

If Jesus can sacrifice his life for me, and every other person in this world, including the people of India, I think I can sacrifice my comforts, and get over my culture shock.  Sometimes I realize just how out of control I really am.  Lord thank you for your patience and mercy!